The first prayer

Dear being greater than I,

I have written many words in place of these ones here. But each time I have deleted it. Because it feels contrived. Like maybe I don't really mean it, or maybe I don't know what I am praying for. 

I do know what I want to pray for. 

But I also know praying for it feels like I'm wishing for something that may not happen. 

Are wishes prayers? Are prayers wishes? 

Are they interchangeable? 

I pray for happiness. At my core. In my core. 

Finding happiness in small things, in big things, in fleeting moments, in difficulties and in challenges. 

Is being content the same as being happy? I used to think one was not as good as the other. 

But maybe those two things are interchangeable too. 

I haven't prayed in awhile. 

Dear being greater than I, 

This is my first prayer.